I’ve written myself a list of everything to do with this ocean rowing challenge that scare me. It’s quite long 🧐 I hope that in a years’ time when I’m about to head off I’ll have overcome a lot of them, and by the time I reach Antigua I’ll be glad I took the risk over the regret. Although I think I already know I’m glad to be taking the risk… it is in pushing myself through the uncomfortable and testing my limits that I feel most alive.
THINGS I AM AFRAID OF:
· The sea · Big storms · Capsizing · 50ft waves · Seasickness · What if I don’t like rowing · The muscle wastage of my calves · Securing so much sponsorship · How I’ll perform so sleep deprived · Claustrophobia · A marlin attack
Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been so terrified of anything I’ve ever signed up to! SO many unknowns. But someone once said that fear doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up, and I couldn’t agree more.
I’ve elaborated on this list; if you want to hear my reasoning, read on!
FEAR OF THE OCEAN
I can’t really pinpoint this one. I absolutely LOVE water sports: I spent several years sailing small dinghies (but that was usually on an estuary or a lake), I’ve had a crack at windsurfing (skill level zero), banana boating, kayaking … if it’s outdoors I’m probably game. I’m a competent and confident swimmer, but I have never got over my fear of sea swimming after a scary experience a few years ago that was a bit too close to serious to be forgotten. That said, I am a triathlete and I have done lots of races with a sea swim, so I just suck it up! The Atlantic Ocean is a bit of a different beast I think – it’s the storms, the waves that are taller than a three-storey house, and maybe the vast emptiness that’s scary. And it’s SO DEEP! 8km down: that’s basically the height of Everest below the surface! I really can’t get my head round that.
Seasickness
I haven’t spent a night at sea on a boat smaller than a car ferry to know how this is going to bother me. But I do recall I got very seasick on a day out in a catamaran so I’m not sure that bodes well 😏. There are patches and stuff that can apparently help and I guess it’s something I’ll get used to. I’ve heard that it’s actually worse when you finally get off the boat at the end; future me problem!
What if I don’t like rowing?
I signed up to this having never been in a rowing boat and never done more than 10 minutes on an erg. I have since then finished my Learn to Row course and loved it… my fear is (a) the erg – I’ve so far done 25 minutes as my longest row and am fearing the long hard training sessions! And (b) ocean rowing – worried I’ll get bored. 40 days is a long time to be doing nothing but rowing.
The muscle wastage of my calves
Maybe a bit shallow. I know they’ll come back, but after spending years making them strong, I was a bit sad to learn that I could lose up to 40% of them from them simply not being used for so long!
Securing so much sponsorship
The cost to do this is still money I can’t really comprehend. We’re all putting a huge amount of time into this and it’s causing me significant stress. It’s unfortunate we’ve ended up in probably the worst financial time in decades and the support that may have been there simply can’t be now. I’ll be giving it everything I can to make it happen.
Sleep deprivation
Something I’m used to 🙃 but not quite to the extent of this. Our training is going to include some quite horrific things (3am gym sets to get the body used to exercise at weird times) but I don’t know how to prepare for 40 days of pretty much no sleep without doing 40 days of pretty much no sleep.
Claustrophobia
I’ve not yet seen one of these ocean rowing boats in person, so I don’t truly know how big they are. But at 9.6m long and something like a metre and bit wide, there can’t be much space for 4 people. The cabins look pretty tiny. Maybe being on the deck in such a vast open space will make up for it?!
A marlin attack
Other crews have had this and survived so that is promising, but the wildlife is something that both terrifies and excites me. I’d love to be up close to the dolphins out there and maybe whales if we’re lucky; not so keen to think how vulnerable I’ll feel if I know that all is between me and a shark is a tiny carbon fibre boat. I really don’t like the thought of marlins skewering holes in the boat but there is a very real chance of it happening!!
So there we go. My biggest fears. I haven’t mentioned my anxieties about tech problems or our water maker breaking because I know we’ll be equipped with the skills to sort that out. And I think if this list was any longer it might be too much for my mind to cope with!
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